Its me and my thoughts for company in the long journey back home. Interrupted, redirected, paused and flushed out by the surroundings. It could be a fat woman's butt i am trying to dodge with the unguided dual-missile aimed at resting on your shoulders (sometimes the irritating short stylish handbag just aiming for my face) ! or could be a fight in the bus, or a girl cackling away on the phone forcing an interesting gossip on you, or the most complicated balancing act with unpredictable breaks and shoves, making me look like a contemporary danseuse, if i am standing.

Well, while on my feet in the bus, in my mind i draw a whole flowchart trying to arrive at the fastest empty seat.I see all types of common women in buses, sometimes recognizable which makes my derivation table simpler.

Middle-aged women who have already been introduced in the first paragraph, the most difficult to solve., initially i was under the impression that these women will invariably get off at a temple or a government office - mostly which are the closer Raagigudda and silk Board (max)., so i would rush to stand by such seats, i have mastered this art so its done stealthily and not in a hurry causing a wave of inconvenience in the packed bus. I have been proved wrong time and again by this theory while this works only if the woman is adorned in silk or has a particular type of basket in her hand. But, i now never rely on the middle-aged women, they form the gray spot in the table (or a infinite loop in my flow chart).

Next, the most promising - college girls: they get in in pairs and get off in pairs so even the probability of getting a seat amongst three contestants is high, i am usually one of the three who make it to the seat ! Thank you !
[Please note that every seat will have three people vying for it. Depending on the primeness of your exact location wrt seat, you could have two hopeful seats instead of one.]

The peers, they are a complete NO, a big red or an END. These women are my age, they are my competitors - i wonder what tables or logic they have for working out the empty seat, there are a few that i have lost to hands down, frowns and curses. They along with the big fat women are my direct competitors., if these women happen to be from up there then i simply back off., i take them on only if i am in a good mood to fight - i never am, not in the bus and not for a seat.

Very rare, the quiet, shy and seemingly sober women - they are your best shot. If you happen to be standing next to them waiting for an empty seat, you'll most likely be offered to sit - i call them the gentle women. Well, very sheepishly i accept and Thank. cheap you dare say ! you are no BTS regular, unless you are one of these nice types don't judge !

Women with kids - disastrous. They take away your precious seat and just when you've found one for yourself and let a out a sigh of relief and want to close your eyes, you hear a wailing...eyes now tightly shut ! No, now who asked her to...? why should i ? kids are...!! poverty->unemployment->environmental degradation->population->crimes !! i don't budge usually, unless the sneering society stares at me through my shut eyes ! If i am standing and an empty seat occurs, i give way to the lady with the kid or the lady with the exploding tummy. But there is a way to avoid this - avoid the front seats., move back into the pool of people.

Business women - you know exactly where they will get off, madiwala market. They are cool, but they come with a lot of baggage, some of them on your feet and most of them on the rest of your standing space. They add colour, smell (heavenly floral or dead(ly) aqua) to the bus and their language and conversations are good diversions and time-killers. Again their large numbers makes for a simple equation !

Handicapped people - no thoughts, just the mechanical motion of 'giving up'.

Senior citizens - Extremely old people only can claim my seat - i don't believe in killing someone for a mere seat, though so far i am sure i have sounded very much like it or capable of something like it ! And a prospective seat is with an old person if you are standing. So, its more of a give and take policy here, so its ok. But the age limit is >= 70, health limit also considered.

Dislodged men, again - 100% success rate. All you have to do is a bit of sign language, depending on your mood or the 'gentleness of the man' - you could sign lang him to 'get out', 'point towards the picture indicating - female' saying you don't mean to disturb him really, 'just stare' at him and the picture a few times and then give up - very few instances that men don't move out of your way.

There is a rather nice side to the bts-me as well, i give up seats for men/women alike if i they are the labor class, they work hard all day and very well deserve some rest at least while they travel.

Empty bus - this could well be a dream, but even here you get thinking. From the above experiences - no front rows. Check where the sun is pouring in from., take the seat opposite to that..else you'll wake up with a half burnt face or will have a short dream with a fiery end !

Anyways, BMTC rocks. Public transport is the best and i'll never give up on it !


raj said…
enjoyed reading your blog. cheluvaraj
shamala kittane said…
Thanks and also 'coz you are the first one to comment !
Anonymous said…
Nice post and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you for your information.

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